The Harry Potter franchise isn’t exactly at its height at the moment. Fantastic Animals: The Crimes Of Grindelwald and Harry Potter And The Curst Child were both met with mixed critical reviews. Despite this, both have managed to be financially successful. This demonstrates that the Harry Potter fandom is still hungry for more escapades in the wizarding world.
Most of this comes from the idea of the wizarding school Hogwarts. Many children have waited by the mailbox on their eleventh birthdays to see if that famed Hogwarts letter would be arriving merely to be tragically disappointed. Hogwarts has lit up the imaginations of readers and movie fans to such a certain degree that they are crestfallen so hard that it doesn’t exist that the discovery Santa isn’t actually real seems like a soft blow in comparison.
While the school is undeniably a brilliant fantasy place, if it were judged by the real world standards for educational institutions, it would be considered a horror depict. The school is littered with magical ogres, hidden traps, and evil plots. It’s an extremely dangerous place it is not simply a horrible place to home infants, but a horrible one to train them as well.
It’s easy to look at Hogwarts with rose colored glass, because it’s amazing, but perhaps if we took them off for a second, it would soften the blow of not getting that letter in the mail so many years ago. Here are 20 things wrong with Hogwarts we all choose to ignore.
20 The House Hierarchy
Cliques are a major problem in most schools. Many run extremely difficult every year to promote ways for students to interact outside of these arbitrary and often abusive social groups. They randomize seating arrangements, stagger lunch changes, and set up designated group projects so that students will have to interact with people unlike them.
What they don’t do is literally coordinate everyone by “type” and keep them largely separated throughout their tenure. Sure, every fan of the books has rushed to find out what house they are, but the sad truth is that the lines dividing these houses are largely arbitrary. Every person has qualities of a Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff. Children are hardly fully formed individuals.
But it’s not like there’s one house that is known for producing evil wizards. Oh, wait, there is a home that harbors people profiled to possibly be evil into a secret room together.
1 9 The Defense Against The Dark Arts Revolving Door
One of the biggest operating plot phases in the series is that every year there is a different Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher. The notion is that Voldemort wanted this chore and somehow cursed the position after he was rejected. This seems like a cop out from the obvious problem here. Dumbledore is horrible at hiring people.
Look at his track record. He hired a werewolf, a cloaked Death Eater, his former Death Eater friend, a completely clueless novelist, and literally Voldemort hiding in a quivering coward’s body. At least Umbridge was brought in by the government. That one isn’t on him.
What’s the hiring process for the job like?
“Do you want the Defense Against The Dark Art posture? “
“Sure. Don’t you want to do a back ground che-“
“Nah, you appear fine. Welcome aboard! “
1 8 There Was A Snake Monster In The Pipes
This one is pretty obvious. There was a snake ogre in the pipes.
Imagine a school that everyone knows has a secret chamber that is harboring a ogre of some sort. Then this monster starts randomly attacking students. The school doesn’t shut down though. It keeps chugging along as if there weren’t a ogre in the halls.
And it isn’t a subtle monster either. It’s a giant snake that is slinking in and out of the tubes. Dumbledore’s supposed to be the most powerful and brilliant wizard in the world, but he couldn’t find the enormous Basilisk only wandering through his corridors? It must’ve been real embarrassing for him when he got upstaged by a second year who destroyed a horcrux while he was feeing lemon drops and dreaming about new socks.
1 7 Remember That Dementor Year?
Junior high and high school can be a very depressing period. Kids are changing, their biology is changing, and their childhood’s are slipping away in favor of the rising pressure of young adulthood. Many preteens and teens alike have a lot of difficulty navigating this turbulent hour. But, at least their school wasn’t crawling with monsters that are literally the personification of depression.
In Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, Hogwarts is infested by Dementors. These beasts is not merely act as the supernatural prison wardens of the wizarding world, they are also the most horrifying of all the beings introduced in that world. They literally suck out happiness and eventually your spirit. One would think that after they attacked Harry, they would’ve been sent packing. Nope.
1 6 The Goblet Of Fire Calls The Shots?
One of the most meme worthy moments in all of the Harry Potter franchise is the moment when Dumbledore asks Harry “Did yah put your name in dah goblet of fiyah ?! ” This is a tense dramatic moment because Harry is too young are engaged in a competition that features dragons, evil mermaids, and a hardcore maze garden. But the Goblet spit his name out, so there’s no going back.
Wait, what? Why?
The Goblet of Fire spits out Harry’s name and he’s only in now? Without his permission? That doesn’t make any sense. The rivalry is being overseen by a collect of the most powerful wizarding educators in the world. None of them have the authority to override a cup? Would the beaker get angry? Everybody, we’ve gotta force this underage kid to fight a dragon, lest we elicited the fury of this fire cup!
1 5 The Triwizard Tournament Is Crazy
The Harry Potter universe has a lot of crazy things in it. It’s a bonkers universe with a lot of memorably silly concepts and dangerous challenges. Of all of the various things brought forward in the series, the Triwizard tournament might just be the craziest.
Imagine for a second if your high school decided to house students from two other high schools for a year. They’d then hold a giant competition between the three schools. These wouldn’t merely be physical competitors though. They’d feature dragons, sea monsters, and other dangerous challenges. You’d transfer out of that school fairly fast.
No one really seems to think that the Triwizard tourney is all that weird though, they’re all even surprised when Cedric tragically loses his life. To be fair, he did survive the tournament, but the peril during was very much real.
1 4 The Dark Forest Is Fine But Hogsmeade Is Dangerous
It’s never a good sign when there’s a section of school grounds that’s literally called “The Forbidden Forest”. That doesn’t precisely fill one with confidence. Not one hundred feet from where their own children sleep there is a forest full of deadly magical brutes. Fortunately, the students aren’t allowed to go inside … unless they’re in detention.
In the first book, Hagrid takes a group of FIRST YEAR STUDENTS deep into the forest where they come across a murdered unicorn and a band of dangerous Centaurs. This is a perfectly acceptable detention scenario at Hogwarts, apparently.
Meanwhile, there’s a really nice village right outside Hogwarts. It has several quaint little shops and no perils to speak of. You need a mother or guardian’s signed permission to go there though. Because Honeydukes is just so dangerous.
1 3 There’s A Living Tree
The prohibited forest might be a pretty dangerous thing on the school’s grounds, but there is a fairly substantial threat much closer to the actual school. The Whomping Willow is a famous landmark on the grounds. It’s mostly played for comic relief though it did prove to be a major plot phase in one of the books.
What no one ever seems to care about though, is that there is a monster tree sitting right in the middle of the grounds. Why is that okay? Any confused first year could wander in front of it and be “whomped” to their grave. Oh, well, that’s simply the Whomping Willow! It’s fun!
1 2 It’s Literally Haunted
If wizards were to watch muggle horror movies, they’d likely be very confused. To us, a place being haunted is an existentially frightening thing. They wouldn’t understand this because plainly they think ghosts are rather fun. Like those tricky home guests that regularly come into sitcom households and build friendly chaos. They never actually cause any trouble, right?
Except they do. Hogwarts is an institution that is genuinely proud of how haunted it is. Each one of the most important houses has a trademark ghost even! While some of these ghosts are definitely more Casper than the twins from The Shining. What everyone overlooks is that several of these ghosts are regularly tormenting the student body. Ghosts like Peeves and Moaning Myrtle seem to revel in taunt or tormenting the young, sensitive teenagers that roam the hallways. That’s why muggle schools have regularly scheduled ghostbustings every year.
1 1 Feasts Every Day?
School lunches have always been a big problem. A lot of this is associated with unhealthy school lunches and a lack of range. Many districts are trying to combat this by making better meal options.
Hogwarts, however, hosts a giant feast full of limitless food alternatives( most of which are unhealthy) three times a day. While they are not able to call all of these snacks feasts( they have specially designated feasts several times a year that have even more unhealthy food selections) each dinner consists of sufficient food to feed each and every student four times over. Though that’s barely enough to feed one Weasley. Seriously, how are all of those ginger troublemakers so crazy thin? Perhaps there’s a spell that dedicates Hogwarts students improved metabolisms. Metabolisma Maxima!
1 0 The Potions Teacher Is An Abusive Former Death Eater
Before this post begins, it’s important to note that Snape is one of the most fascinating and complex characters in the entire franchise. The story about his love for Harry’s mother is one of the most beautifully twisted things the series hurls the reader’s way. He is expertly played by the late genius Alan Rickman who is a talent that can never be replaced.
That being said, Snape is a terrible educator. He is openly abusive to his students, he makes no effort to hide his favoritism of the Slytherin house, and has a very inappropriate obsession with the main character. He doesn’t even really seem to have any passion or talent for teaching. Aside from that, he’s a former Death Eater which should be bad enough to keep him off of a school’s staff.
At any other school, he wouldn’t have likely been able to get a teaching chore. At Hogwarts he’s the head of a house.
9 Filch Used To Torture Students
The creepy janitor trope is a common one for any fictional school( or ABC hospital sitcom) but Hogwarts may take the cake. Filch is always skulking around hallways, spying on people. He’s so creepy that the actor that portrayed him also played the creepiest guy on Game Of Thrones which is an incredible feat.
The scariest proportion about him is that he apparently used to torture students. In Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone, Filch references hanging students by their thumbs in the dungeons. His line about how he missed the screaming may have been one of the funniest lines from the movies, but it’s still pretty horrifying.
8 “Where The Rules Are Made Up And The Points Don’t Matter”
One of the things that Hogwarts takes more seriously than anything else is their yearly home beaker. All of the teachers have power over the student body by rewarding and punishing them over their home points. These phases are given for good deeds or correctly answered questions in class. They are taken away for … pretty much anything the educator disapproves of.
There doesn’t actually seem to be any rules or regulations as to what should and shouldn’t constitute a point being given or taken away. It really is based on the random caprices of any of the teachers.
The points also don’t matter because no matter what any of the other homes do throughout the year, Dumbledore will award 1,000 points to Gryffindor only because. Not that he’s biased…
7 All Students Have Deadly Weapons
Security is a big deal for lots of schools around the world. Students found with weapons of any kind are usually met with the harshest punishments.
At Hogwarts, every student is carrying around a weapon with them at all times. There are dozens of examples of students cursing or assaulting each other with their wands. Harry severely wounds Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince. At least the school doesn’t do anything that might encourage this behavior though. Except for teaching the students how to duel, various spells that can be weaponized, and one teacher literally teaching students all of the worst spells in the wizarding world. Though that might’ve been Barty Crouch Jr. in disguise, he still didn’t get into trouble for teaching a room full of adolescents how to take over people’s intellects, torture them, and obliterate them with a few words. There’s nothing scary about that.
6 Unsupervised Co-Ed Common Rooms
The Gryffindor common room scenes are some of the best of the entire franchise. The male and female Gryffindors all hanging out in a comfy room with a hearth, chess decides, and lots of couches seems like a dream. It’s also exceedingly unrealistic.
At no point in the series do we ensure the many educators trying to keep an eye on the students. These are teenagers living in an unbelievably dangerous time in a co-ed dormitory with no supervising. While some characters do get together here and there, Hogwarts is amazingly tamed and reserved when it comes to inter-house relationships.
5 Why Thestrals?
Hogwarts is a place that has literally thousands of nifty charms and spells on the grounds. The staircases move, the great hall ceiling projects images of the sky, and the paints literally talk to you. Fairly much every square foot of the place is enchanted in some manner or another, so why are the carriages that take students from the Hogwarts Express hauled by creepy horse demons?
It would be extremely easy to enchant carriages to drive themselves to the castle. Instead, someone decided that the preferable choice would be for Thestrals, these beasts that can only be seen by people who have experienced loss, to take the students to their new school. At best, it dedicates students the appearance that their carriages are enchanted even though they aren’t.( The first lie of many .) At worst, it re-traumatizes students who have been struck by sorrow in their lives.
4 It Housed A Dangerous Artifact And Security For It
One of the big plot points of Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone( or Philosopher’s Stone depending on what side of the pond you’re on) is that Hogwarts was housing one of the rarest magical objects in the world. The philosopher’s stone is an object that grants a person afterlife. It’s unbelievably sought after to the point that Hogwarts has to come up with an elaborate security system that would keep out any advance wizards who would come calling.( Merely for it to be beaten by three children .)
The staff announces to all of the students that they should leave this area alone. Which at Hogwarts is basically an invitation. Students could easily stumble inside and be feed by a three headed puppy or murdered by an evil wizard who was trying to steal the stone. Schools truly shouldn’t be where you house dangerous items. That should be common sense.
3 It Has A Secret Room No One Can Access
The room of requirement is one of the coolest parts of Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix. It’s where Harry develops his wizard army that isn’t a wizard army despite being named “Dumbledore’s Army.” The place is one of those endlessly imaginative locales that J.K. Rowling employs so expertly throughout the series.
It’s a horror present from an administrative perspective. A room where students can conceal with no way of educators knowing about it is just frightening. Aside from students being able to have “private time” with each other, the room features all kinds of magical objects that haven’t been logged. Draco Malfoy literally utilized an object in there to smuggle in Death Eaters.
Also, how did it get made? What were the Hogwarts contractors even guessing? “Y’know what every school needs? A disappearing room. Who needs to keep up with students? “
2 Quidditch Is Incredibly Dangerous
There’s truly only one sport that matters at Hogwarts, Quidditch. It’s basically a much more complicated sky soccer with the violent spirit of rugby and the ridiculous scoring system of cricket. The entire thing is one of the greatest notions in the entire series. It’s incredibly fun and led to some of the most exciting cinematic moments in the film adaptations.
While it’s really fun, it’s a really stupid thing for educators to let students do. They literally let teenagers fly around at high speeds, with limited padding, while other students try to beat them senseless. Harry nearly loses his life in Quidditch matches several times in all regions of the series. What kind of school would allow students to play a athletic that is proven to be extraordinarily dangerous just for the glorification of school pride?
1 It Was A Battlefield
Was your school the site of the greatest military conflicts around a generation? No? The students of Hogwarts went to their campus during Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows thinking they’d have a normal year. What they didn’t think was that they’d basically be drafted into one of the greatest and bloodiest battles in wizarding history.
The students who survived were undoubtedly traumatized for life. How hard must it have been for the students to return to the castle the next year? Did those that went to school that year even get to complete their credits? Did they have to retake that year? It’s doubtful that they still did O.W.L.’s after they finished cleaning up the rubble.
Maybe keeping the only major wizarding school in a place that is known for harboring fantastical magical objects and is a breeding grounds for evil wizards and giant combats is a poor selection. Even if it is really pretty.
What do you think? Did we miss any crazy details about Hogwarts? Let us know in the comments!
Read more: screenrant.com